We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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