Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
