You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
