Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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