Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
