small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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