he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
