maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
