I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
