How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
