I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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