You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
