So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
