yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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