then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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