you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
