Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
