What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
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i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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