I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
