If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
