It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
