her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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