Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize