i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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