$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
