I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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