Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
