i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
