Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
