you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
