We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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