dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
someone owes me an orgasm
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
