i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize