You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
