I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
