I'm going to jail i love you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My vagina just recognized that song.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
