I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
