I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
