So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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