I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
