He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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