its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
