Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
