I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
