So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
