i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
