Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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