You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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