Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
