he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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