just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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