You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
