he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
