You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize