put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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