i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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