Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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