Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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