I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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