His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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