My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
