Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
