I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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