9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
