I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
