my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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