I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
