i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
