i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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