I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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