I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
