Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
